porn in the morn: do you need therapy?

[ftlaudft]

I just love porn, almost as much as I love cheeseburgers, chocolate milkshakes and diving for toejam. So when I heard about a young man who was going to therapy for his porn addiction, I wondered if I might be paddling in the same boat. I suppose anything can be an addiction if it's a good thing used to excess or in a negative way. Look at booze. A glass of wine, the cup of the vine, now that should be a joyful thing. But if a guy gets bombed every night and beats up his wife and kids, then that must be alcoholism. Sex in all its forms, masturbation, eating and everything else could turn out the same way. Good or bad, depending on how you use it.

I watched some clips of Jake Steel at the JakeCruise.com site and became so intoxicated by the young hunk's beauty I wondered how those clips could be considered bad in any way. Jake Steel, who is now appearing also in a number of films from LucasEntertainment, appears in one clip with Bo Dean at the JakeCruise site and the photography of his male parts and feet made me think how in my private fantasy world all life is a barefoot dream. So I knocked out a poem. Want to hear it? You may put it to music if you like.

I am addicted to love and life
and the bare feet of life's sexy dancers.
Come to the river

at midnight, at noontime,
at noontime, at twilight,
at twilight, at midnight

when the sand pushes warm fantasies through your toes,
exotic breezes suck mischievously at your nipples,
and all dreams and dreamers are barefoot...

OK, OK! So maybe I do have an addiction. I could easily become addicted to the soles of Jake Steel's bare feet. And you better not try to cure me! Thnk you can? Rots of ruck!

[Footlover28]

Well, I learned to enjoy every moment of my life because I only have this one! So I am addicted to a lot of things that make me happy and brightens my day. Including enjoying myself while using porn. I think that's just human nature (or maybe just the way I am).

Btw: a really great poem ( I also read between the lines...)!

[ftlaudft]

Why, thank you, Footlover28! You always say the nicest things and your kind words mean more than you realize!

Here's a ditty I just composed after a visit to an art exhibit. I call it "'thoughts at an art exhibit."' Well, I had to call it something.

The guys at the May show
put on quite a gay show.
The best room? The rest room
with hot live fellatio.

[ftlaudft]

I have searched for beauty. I have fought for truth.
I joined the quest for joy of pure being.

My study of music took me through symphonies, opera, folk songs and Pink Floyd.
My ventures into dancing brought me to ballet, merengue, the twist and Portuguese folk dances.
My acquaintance with literature gave me the wisdom of novels, plays, poetry and the Rubaiyat.

It wasn't enough.

My thirst for social justice inspired me to join marches, shout slogans and listen attentively to Rachel Maddow.
My appreciation of nature roused me to hike through meadowlands and climb up mountains. (Well, they weren't really mountains.. They were more like big hills, actually.)

But it was still never enough.

Then I met a guy.
I licked his bare feet and sucked his dick.
When I felt deep in my gut the vibrations of his cosmic orgasm, I was truly enlightened at last!

(I think he felt pretty good, too.)

[ftlaudft]

Someone asked me if I was just trying to be funny in the above poem or if I really had a serious message in mind. The truth is I am very serious in my belief that in order to become a full and complete human being a person must experience sexual intimacy in a meaningful relationship. I'm not talking about casual sex, which of course may have a role in a person's development. But in order for one to evolve from an animal into a feeling person the relationship must be one of physical intimacy, mental intimacy, sexual intimacy and spiritual intimacy. That kind of relationship is the greatest gift life can offer.

We evolve and we learn. We evolve as we learn. No one becomes a real human being alone. It takes community, and it can begin with just one significant other. And just what are the things that we learn? It depends on who we are. If we are turned on by feet, for example, like many of us here, then studying and contributing, enjoying and sharing in a site such as this one will be a part of our learning and evolving experience.

I love great art and literature. But the secret of life and ultimate wisdom are not confined to the Quixote and "Les Miserables."' Life's deepest meanings can be found in simple ordinary things, like sex, a smile to a stranger, and giving a glass of water to a thirsty visitor.

[BootsMcGraw]

...in order to become a full and complete human being a person must experience sexual intimacy in a meaningful relationship....

No offense, laudie, but you just dissed a good percentage of the population with that statement. Myself, included.

I have to strongly disagree with you. I never had a relationship with anyone in my fifty years on this rock, and I am most certainly a "full and complete human being". My life has purpose, meaning, and contains everything I need to be the best person I possibly can be. I have no desire to partner with anyone. Sexual intimacy and meaningful relationships are highly overrated.

Being by oneself is not a terrible thing. Isaac Newton was when he developed the three laws of motion; George Handel was when he composed Messiah, Nikola Tesla was as he advanced the science of electronics, and Paul the Apostle was as he preached the Gospel. I'm in good company.

[ftlaudft]

Hi Boots! Thank you for reading the posts and reacting! Most of my friends simply look at my scribblings as a defense of the joy of bed-hopping and let it go at that.

I'm not advocating that a person be "married"' or "partnered"' or living in a perpetual state of sexual union in order to be a fulfilled and complete person. What I do believe is that we can't develop alone. We need community. Whatever God is, whatever the Ultimate Reality is, whatever Divinity is, we are reflections of it and can find light only in each other.

I remember hearing about the saints who lived on top of poles or ran out to the desert to live in caves. I don't see how a hermit can develop alone. There must be a connection with humanity in order to develop, and it must be emotiional and spiritual. You may be right in that the connection may not be physical and sexual, as I describe in my posts. But it must be an intimate loving connection of intimacy on a spiritual level. I think Mother Theresa shows that in her work with the dying, the poor, the hungry. The nuns in this country who work in education and many social services illustrate this as well. There's certainly no hanky-panky going on there.

But for those of us who have seen the sublime side of hanky-panky, don't knock it. It really can be a great tool for helping us reach maturity.

By the way, did you see the clip of the Howard Stern show in which a dude by the name of K.C. insults aggressively a guy with a foot fetish and calls him a sicko and a weirdo? I couldn't believe the guy just sat there and took those insults. I do have a foot fetish but I don't think I'm a sicko or a weirdo.

[ropedfeet]

Yes, relationships come in all types and forms...and it is good to keep that in mind and not confuse that word to always mean romantic relationships. I do think it is a very good thing to think about the fact that the best things in this life can come to us through our non romantic connections to people in our lives.

I myself personally have had many very meaningful overnight relationships. Seriously.
I have also been in longer term relationships too.

FtLaud did say that it was his belief that to become a full and complete human being...etc....the operative words being "his belief"....which of course he is totally entitled to have.

We all design our lives based on what we discover works best for us, as individuals. Most of this comes to us through trial and error, or sometimes from just knowing what fits well or doesn't.

Not everything works out for people the way they would like it to in this life. Many people feel or believe that their lives are not "complete" unless they are paired with someone...the thing is that may never happen for many people when they want it to. And what if it never happens at all?.....for whatever reasons.

So what then? Are they supposed to live some type of "half life" because the other person is not there to "complete" them? Are they supposed to feel as though life is just "not quite good enough" because they have not found this elusive "soul mate"?

Do you think you have to have a long term romantic relationship because that is what people are "supposed" to want or need?...Do you feel that something must be "wrong" with you because you haven't got one?...Do you even really question yourself as to whether you are the type of person who is built to have one? or are you just going along with "the program"?...All of these things are really worth thinking about...Seriously.

Some people like doing what they want, IF they want, with who they want, when they want. Some people do not like being accountable to another person for everything they want or feel like doing or not doing. I know this heresy sounds shocking to many people, but it is true. And guess what?....They are quite happy that way too.

There are many ways to be, or feel to be, a "complete person"...whatever that means. I would think that is a very subjective thing to everyone.

The truth is that contrary to all the hyped up idealized love songs, that many times put out quite dysfunctional and UNreal messages in my opinion, you can live a Very Happy life not being partnered to another person. In some cases, depending who you are with, your life would be Much Happier without them.

I have always felt that many of the messages that are out there telling people how love "should be", or feel like, raise the bar So High that many feel that their lives are never "as good as they should be", which is Not True.... I think that most messages about love could use a really healthy dose of Realism...rather than the icing coated idealism that most people have some burning need to want to aspire to.

There are some very distinct advantages to being single in this world. Plus, as Boots has said, not everyone wants to be paired up. The main thing is to find what pleases and works for you, and if you can make that happen then great! But if things don't, or haven't yet worked out as you may want them to just don't forget to try your best to make yourself happy in the meantime.

Some of the very best "relationships" can be the ones that only last a few hours...and some of the worst ones are ones that last for years....

[ftlaudft]

Hey Ropie! You have no idea how delighted I am that the two guys who reacted to this post in a serious positive way are you and the moderator, the two most visible members of our group, the guys who put a face on Footbuddies. ¡Un millón de gracias!

I'm evolving and learning with the rest of our community. What am I learning? Well, when I first came here to this site years ago, I read your posts about being tied up and was shocked and didn't believe that could be a good thing for anybody. When Boots talked about tickling, I thought it was an odd projection of sadism. When guys wrote in saying they loved women but craved men's feet, I thought they were closet cases.

Now I know I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I still don't understand being tied up. But I can accept it. I still don't understand tickling. But I accept it. I accept it as a valid way for growth for other people who are into it, even if I may not be. That's what learning and evolving are all about. We learn according to the garden we happen to be in. We smell the roses. And if the roses aren't there, we try the hibiscus.

In my church, they consider me a heretic because I often say that to make progress you have to throw out yesterday's catechism, ask your own new questions and live your answers. You guys, with your face pictures, are leaders in our community. So you see, you're not single- ever - as you may sometimes think. You're both connected to me and the rest of our community in a wonderful way, and we thank you for it!

[ftlaudft]

I keep on coming back to the ideas in these posts and all of us are interested in the idea of relationship. There's relationship with actual sex and then there's relationship without it. We can see certain categories of relationship that may overlap but are still different. We have genital sex (the kind I'm describing as the sublime experience that brought me to my idea of complete humanhood); there's foot eroticism (something I think we all share here, but which may take many forms and is not linked necessarily to any kind of physical sex); and then there's intimacy of other kinds (the bondage and tickling, for example.) I've tried to show the road (genital sex) that I've traveled and how since that was my scene I have felt it was a good route for most people to follow. As I've evolved, I've come to see that other roads are the right roads for people in other scenes. They're all OK whether I or anybody else may understand them, so long as nobody is getting hurt.

I can't help but think of all the straight people who look down on gays and hope that they too will evolve and learn to accept gay lifestyles even if they (the heteros) do not understand or participate in the gay lifestyles. Perhaps sites like this one here at Footbuddies are helping push in that direction.

I;m a passionate follower of the teachings of a Catholic nun Sister Joan Chittester, and in her daily Lenten commentaries of religious texts including those outside Christianity, she includes today a prayer of the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama's prayer starts out like this:

May I be a guard for those who need protection
A guide for those on the path
A boat, a raft, a bridge
for those who wish to cross the flood.

Sister Joan's commentary includes this:

To awaken another to life
is to give the ultimate gift.

Seriously, as Ropie says. That is what I think you guys are doing here. Ropie with his introduction into Bondage 101 - accompanied with a face photo. Boots with his advanced tickling festivals - also with with full face photo ID -you guys lead the parade. This is how people learn and how ideas change. We don't have to be on the same page all the time. But with good will we can move in the right direction and bring a huge dose of Footbuddy sunshine to society at large. Seriously.

I think you guys are the greatest. And I am also so indebted to the people whose posts represent hours of work to a community they love and care for. I'm thinking of all the people like Footlover28 and Footmonster and Snowfanatic. We may speak different languages at home but our living room away from home is here at Footbuddies. It's a good feeling to feel we're doing something right.