farts and fandangos: confessions of a bean-eating flamenco dancer...

[ftlaudft]

I suppose it was bound to happen eventually. I was at the supreme moment of my exotic routine, thinking I looked like a million dollars, clicking my castanets like there was no tomorrow. And it ripped out, a gas attack that stunned us all. In one instant I was reduced from a position of sublime artist to that of barrio buffoon and laughiing stock of the neighborhood. What to do? How to cope? There's only one human way. You pick yourself up and go on. I learned that if people are laughing at you, it hurts less if you can laugh with them. Humanity comes first. Dignity is negotiable.

Awful and unexpected things are a part of the human condition. Have you ever been on a hot date, arriving at a private place, successfully removing the shoes and socks of the object of your devotion, only to discover your beloved has bunions and spaghetti toes? What to do? How to cope? Well, if the skinny toes don't appeal to your shrimping instincts, maybe your partner will have something else to nibble on. How about a tempting earlobe? A gorgeous mushroom head? A low-hanging.....well, you get the picture. Yankee ingenuity can save the day. Patience and good will bring happy consequences.

Have you ever experienced the damage that a firetruck siren can bring to a raging erection right at the crucial moment? Whether it's your hard-on that gets deflated or that of your partner, often a romantic evening is ruined for both. What to do? Well, a little humor will lighten the mood. Put the TV on to Jon Stewart or Steven Colbert and you may not reach the heights of ecstasy but it's better to laugh than to weep over unspilled fluids.

If we move from the personal and private to the public and the political, we can see that our great progress in gay rights is being threatened by many politicos who would like to set back the gay movement, put DOMA back in place, and undo many successful steps forward. What can we do? If we're moping and lying in a fetal position because we've been bullied, we can uncurl our bodies, pick up information about which candidates are doing what, and make sure we and everybody we know gets out and votes.

Yes, baby, the rain must fall. We all make blunders and mistakes, but my gas attack taught me an important thing. Life will go on if we pick ourselves up and go forward. With humor. With patience. With good will.