It gets better

[Serph789]

Honestly, does anybody believe that saying ? I personally think that it gets better for some but for the most of us it doesnt , rather its downhill . I do realize why people throw that phrase around but I fail to believe it . I have heard so many gay/bisexual men online say that past 30 , its a deadzone when it comes to dating , and finding the right person. To a large extent I believe that and am quite afraid. I am 21 and still havent found someone as of yet :/ Are we all meant to die alone? I am not interested in going to gay bars and the likes and so my chances are quite low lol oh well :(

[Footlover28]

Well, I think you're quite right: It's pretty hard to find "Mr. Right". I personally come to the conclusion that it strongly depends on your age. I am 31 years old and am desperately looking for a guy who is round about at the same age. The ones who are majors since "yesterday" are mostly too young and totally have some other interests. Additionally, they have to find their right places and ways for their future lives.
The ones who already have 40+ mostly have found their right ways of living and loving.

So I am, as far as my age is concerned, in between and that makes it rather difficult to find "The One". And not to forget, that I am looking for a gay guy who is into feet.

To say it in a nutshell: It's really hard to find the love of your life. But that's only what I have experienced so far!

[ftlaudft]

Well, it's like this, dudes. I've had a long, long life and it's been a pretty wonderful long, long life. But I never looked for Mr Right. I looked for love. And I found love, lots of love, in a lot of the right places - and in a lot of the wrong places. But yes, heaps of love, and in the right places.

I looked not only for guys who could make me happy. I looked for guys I could make happy. Sometimes I got a few laughs out of an affair. Sometimes a few tears. Some adventures lasted a few housrs. Some a few days. And a few - maybe three or four - lasted many years. And with the love and companionship, the shared interests and feelings of growing together, they were so beautiful!

When I started out, I can remember being terrified with my lover in bed when we heard footsteps on the stairs. The police could arrest us and throw us in jail in those days, when just having sex with a guy made you a criminal. If your family found out, they could put you in a mental hospital and give you electric treatments to "'straighten"' you out. Being gay was a mental illness then. And you didn't dream of floating down the aisle to get married to a guy in those days. Just as with many of the evangelicals today, being gay in those days meant you were a sinner.

That's all changed. So from my point of view, it really did get better. Most definitely.

When you're young and twenty, it's easy and natural to be impatient. But it really did get better, and it is still getting better. If I were in your shoes, I'd take them off, run barefoot in the grass for a while - and practice loving whatever comes along. It can be a great life if you cooperate. And it may be the only life you're going to get.

[Freyr]

It does get better. I didn't get into my first serious relationship 'til I was 31 and didn't find the man I would settle down with 'til I was 45. We've been together for 6 years now and it keeps getting better and better.

I know it seems like the gay male community revolves around bars and parties. Try expanding your social outlets, look for activities you enjoy doing and I'll be you'll find a gay group in your area practicing it. I love to dance and found that square dancing is quite fun and a good work out, too. There are PLENTY of gay men (and women) square dancing. Look around and explore!

[ropedfeet]

I for one say that when you are in your 20s there should not be some race to become "attached" in really heavy ways. That time of life is really good for exploring yourself, finding out what you like and don't like, and having fun.

How do you know what type of relationship you are looking for at an age when you still are finding out and realizing things about yourself that even You did not know before?

Is there any guarantee that life as an attached person is going to be as good or better than being a single person?

One mistake many people make is thinking that finding someone will "make you happy". First off you need to be really ok with yourself before you bring anyone into your life at that level. Secondly please never stand in front of someone and say to them "make me happy". That's a tall order, and not fair to ask of another person. Can someone make you happiER, well yes, that can happen. But just remember this...Most people who have their head on straight are looking for other people who they sense are doing fine with themselves too.

Have fun and just try to enjoy your life. Don't be in such a rush to get attached. Anyway there is not too much you can really do about that anyway, unless you go around trying to make someone into the person you WANT them to be when they are not that type of person to begin with. And trust me, there is a lot of that out there.

There are far worse things in this life than "being alone". Remember that being single is Way better than being in a relationship for the wrong reasons just to be with "someone". And again, there are Tons of people out there doing that too.


And please don't define your relationship too soon. It takes a while to REALLY know a person. Don't throw the word "lover" around just because it's cool. After a while people start to become their true rock bottom selves again, That is the stage when you really start to see if the Real you is compatible with the other person's Real self. At first things are always, or can seem to be. "perfect". It takes time for people to really know each other in all kinds of circumstances. Many people find out later that they really are not suited for each other, and that's fine. It happens. If they really are right for you then going slower won't make a difference anyway, right?

Trust Me, when you are first "in love" you are able to overlook HUGE red flags!! LOL...oy vey!

Are you good with compromise? You will Need that valuable tool in any healthy relationship. Is it "Your Way or The Highway?"
If it is then of course you could still find someone to be with, but usually that will be a person without much of an opinion of their own. Look out for control freaks, they can be a real drag....

And for the record, there is much to be said for going to some gay bars. Many of them really do have a nice group of guys who enjoy being around each other. Like anything it all depends on the TYPE of place you go to.

I think that in this age of online activity younger people, and some older folks too, forget that there is a world of Real Live People out there. Please don't sit in front of the computer thinking that it is the only way to interact with people. The internet is great for many reasons, but I do Not think it should ever be a substitute for meeting people in the flesh. A real live social life can be Lots of fun.And not everyone you meet has to be the next potential " Mr. Right" either. You can make some real friends out there too.

And as for your "Gay" life being over at 30, well that's bullshit. There are guys of every age out there open to relationships.
And there are many guys who have found a guy who suits them too.


Food for Thought anyway....

[Serph789]

To roped feet and the other members who replied , I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thank as I truly appreciate it . I have so much to say but the replies did really move me and so a simple thank you is all I can muster up right now because my head , heart and emotions are all over the place lol . Thank you for clearing things up for me and giving me hope :)

[fructis]

The saying "It gets better" has nothing to do with you finding a BF - having a house and a dream job.
Lets be realistic even the str8 people dont have it easy when it comes to love. Some are still single at age 45 and so on....
It gets better means life gets better as you grow up being a gay/bi/tranny/whatever it is that you are that is not the norm. Because as you grow older you dont have to deal with shit you used to deal with in highschool. You become a man and you make your own decisions, make your own circle of friends and start being who you are.
The rest - love- work - life- etc - is all up to you. At this point you are responsible to make it even better for yourself.

[Rich986]

Wow! To be 21 and worried about finding the 'right guy'. As a very senior observer, all I can say is to be a little patient. I know gen-Y wants everything right now, but the reality is you'll get some of what you want and miss some, too. As I look back over my life, I can honestly say it has been fun and rewarding, but hardly everything I wished or hoped for. And that's OK. You'll cherish your experiences all the more.