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View Full Version : intergenerational hookups do happen



drummer
04-21-2009, 10:02 PM
intergenerational hookups just don't happen.

Oh, I dunno. I think I disagree with that one. I had a very exciting and arousing summer fling with a very handsome college student when I was, let me see, I guess I was 47 (and he was 20). He specifically desired an older man, and, when we first got together alone, and I took charge and behaved a bit like a domineering dad kind of figure, ordering him to get down, remove my sneakers and socks and kiss and lick my feet, I remember him telling me later how amazed he was that I knew, without being told, that he had a secret fantasy and wish to be made to lick an older man's feet very subserviently--and I could easily see for myself how deeply aroused it made him, because the evidence of his excitement was poking up as if it wanted to shoot off fireworks.

He enjoyed moaning "Daddy" and I enjoyed hearing it and play-acting the taboo incest fantasy with him, and, aside from the sex, I think he found his time with me rewarding and interesting, and I helped to advise him about some of the courses he was considering taking in college, and introducing him to other things different from what he might enjoy doing (out of bed) with a much younger partner.

I enjoyed his youthful beauty, his naivete about sex with males (up until he met me he had only enjoyed sex with girls, and indeed, had a steady girlfriend at the time, and quite a bit of confusion about how much he enjoyed sex with me)--and he enjoyed my more mature body and I like to think he got something out of spending time talking with me, too.

Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that although I've run into numerous young fellows who think that attractiveness disappears at age 24 or so, there are also lots of young guys who not only tolerate a much older man, but actually prefer and seek such men out--and I rather think that such pairings are quite good for both the older and younger man involved, and that there can be quite a few benefits for each in such a "father-and-son" sort of configuration.

I can never forget how, at one point, the magazine Drummer (which was a very popular sort of S&M magazine at one point, but then lost its nerve somewhat and got less interesting) suddenly ran a feature which they called "Drummer's Daddies," in which they ran photographs of very mature-looking, strong older men. It was as if they struck a nerve, somehow, and a whole "Daddy" cult seemed to capture the erotic imagination of many men. In fact, the use of a term like "Daddy" to describe such age-contrast relations seemed to stem from this feature in that particular issue of Drummer magazine.

Anyway, that's why I disagree with what Boots McGraw said to us about such relationships never happening. I think they may actually happen a bit more than we know, because very often, for many reasons, it may be necessary for such contacts to be carried out in secrecy. In my case, this was certainly true, both because I was a little embarrassed to be courting the attentions of such a young partner, and because he, having a girlfriend, needed to meet me in secret.

Eventually, the liaison had to end, because pressures from his hectic school and work schedule were too great, and also, he was starting to feel quite guilty about deceiving his girlfriend, and needed some space to figure out what he wanted. However, I enjoyed it thoroughly, and I believe he did too, and I think both of us still enjoy pleasant and arousing, exciting memories of our time together.

Given the opportunity, I am quite sure I'd take on another "son" sometime, gladly. Obviously, our young foot-buddy "abcdefg" particularly wants to find a fellow close to his own age, and sometimes we have trouble finding what we think we want, but I think, in general, I've done better by not trying to select a man the way I might order a pizza, selecting particular toppings and specifying exactly how I want it prepared and baked.

I think we do better, instead of setting up a dream figure and then figuring out how some real and available man falls short of it, giving a man who's there and interested and available a chance to interest us, and looking for what's good about him.

I think it gives a man more of a chance of getting lucky if he's more tolerant, no matter how old or young he is.

BootsMcGraw
04-22-2009, 04:28 PM
...Anyway, that's why I disagree with what Boots McGraw said to us about such relationships never happening. I think they may actually happen a bit more than we know....

You are correct that intergenerational hookups and relationships do happen... on occasion. But you would be lying to say that those connections are common.

Just read ad after ad in any personals section. The young make it a point to say --- sometimes in screaming, capital letters --- NO ONE OVER THIRTY! And God help you, if answer one of those ads, being thirty-one years old.

Worse, yet, are the ads posted, week after sad week, of men in their forties and fifties looking for teenagers and twenty-somethings. They never pull the ads, because they never get responses, and continually think that the "right" one is just around the corner. They can't seem to figure out in their heads that today's children just don't like "old" men.

There are certainly men out there who have found exceptions to this rule (I am one of them, having played with men a generation older or a generation younger than me); and it is even a good thing when it happens; but the truth is still this: being mature makes you a second-class homo, and undesirable.

And the overwhelming number of queers will never let you forget it.

midwstguy
04-23-2009, 10:42 AM
I rarely post on this site, but this topic struck a nerve with me. I do agree that these relationships sometimes happen, but are rare. Typically, I've been attracted to men a few years older than me, but suspect I'm in the minority. There is indeed a disproportionately higher amount of age-ism in the gay community, speaking from my own experience.

I never considered myself particularly attractive, but was in decent shape in my 20s. A night out came fairly easily, flirting and on occasion getting drinks sent to me. I'm 40 now, and that has long stopped. At times, I feel invisible.

At any rate, this dynamic is here to stay, so I just try to remain in reasonable shape and put myself in situations that are conducive to men getting to know each other (e.g. discussion groups), rather than what other venues provide.

ropedfeet
04-28-2009, 03:16 AM
I agree that most younger men are looking for guys closer to their age group too. There have always been exceptions to that. I was 17 and dated a hot man who was 48 at the time.

I like guys close to, or my own age. I am 49 now. It just seems easier for so many things and I don't have to explain lots of stuff..plus I like it when the guy I'm talking to knows about life and how it is at different levels and times.. and its fun when you can remeber the same times from your past as well.. Yes, occasionally I do find a younger guy who is mature enough for me to enjoy really talking to, but mostly I like guys who have a few miles on them, like I do.

So, being as thats the case when I go out I go to places where "older" guys (35-40 and up) hang out with and like other guys their age. There are bars and places like that. You can find them.

If you go out to a bar or club that caters to a younger crowd chances are that the vast majority of those guys are looking for younger guys too.

I might add that most of the older men who go to those places probably are looking for younger guys too.

So go where other guys like you go, you'll probably have much more fun and have much better chances of hooking up, if that's what you are after.

and in that way you take yourself much farther away from the ageism that goes on so much. Plus you have lots of fun too.

greatlakesbud
04-28-2009, 08:14 AM
Trick or treat...

peterlondon
04-30-2009, 03:19 PM
i am really attracted to older guys, im getting on my self now, 47 next birthday and i find i meet a lot of hunky younger guys who like me at their feet, which is great and im grateful for it, but id really love a grey haired older bloke with a beer belly, they are actually harder to meet i think! maybe the older chaps are more often settled down, married or dont play around so much...but i think its an absolute myth that older guys are less attractive,

silverfoxbear
03-28-2011, 04:08 PM
love guys over the age of 50

ropedfeet
03-28-2011, 10:47 PM
It is true that most of the ads placed by younger guys on hook up sites are for guys their own age or very close to it.

It is true that many many ads placed by older guys on hook up sites are looking for men who are nowhere near their own age, by that I mean much younger men.

There are some ads where guys are looking for guys their own age.

I will say though that I do have admirers on other sites who like me and many of them could easily be my son as far as age goes. I like many of them very much too. I also like the guys who like me who are closer to my own age. my own age, or even older than me. I am 51 now.

I am not sure what the stats are on long term relationships between men whose age difference is rather great. But who knows? I DO know that most long term relationships between 2 men of ANY age eventually become "open relationships" anyway. At least almost all long term relationships that I have seen are that way.

And by the way I was Never one of those sad gay guys who thought being over 30 was old...I feel so sorry for guys like that.

pghcoyote
03-30-2011, 12:56 PM
I also feel sorry for those guys who limit themselves strictly to an age range...their loss. However, I do agree that for a long-term relationship (not just sex/a fling), someone close in age has more potential for compatibility in areas unrelated to sex. There is something to be said for the overall mindset and shared experiences of a certain generation. There are also rare exceptions, such as myself, who are so interested in pop culture and history before their own generation that they can well relate to men older than they.

It also seems to become more difficult to meet people, even new friends, as one exits his 20s. I'm sure a number of factors influence this, such as people having established old and long-lasting friendships already (so are not necessarily searching for more of them), being involved in mature adult life (not as much time to just hang out where people gather), etc. I also think maturity brings a "filter" of experience as well. While that limits partner choices for the better (you know if someone is incompatible much earlier), it's still limiting.

Sorry to expound at length on this! I'm currently 37.

ropedfeet
03-31-2011, 03:49 PM
You bring up some great points pghcoyote.

Yes, I Do think also that shared life experience is one thing that really helps in relationships. I don';t want to have to "explain" a lot of things to someone, its so much easier, and fun, when they Know what you are talking about because they were there too. And yes, when you don't have the time to go out as much you do become limited somewhat, but I think guys need to push themselves to have a social life, even if you go out one a month or so. You Will meet new people if you do. And trust me, there are Always guys who are open to new friendships out there, and not necessarily sexual ones either.

And yes, my "filters" serve me well...I can see bullshit walking towards me a mile away now!! Hooray for experience and being smart enough to LEARN from it. Some people never do.

Also we have to remember that AIDS wiped out SO many men who would be in their middle years and beyond now. I think guys forget how many men we lost back in those first years.

Not that guys don't still have to play safe these days. HIV/AIDS has Not gone away.

gbmcleod
05-29-2011, 12:18 PM
....I'd disagree strongly that it's "rare."
That said, there was a study done about the success ratio of relationships (it was based on a heterosexual orientation, of course).
If the age difference exceeded 10 years, there was usually (do note that it said "usually", not "always") less of a chance for success. If 10 years or younger, more of a chance.
I wonder what the motivation is for these relationships, though. Is it based on genuine love, or is it based on trying to heal a poor father-son relationship in the childhood years? I have the same curiosity about that as I have about inter-ethnic relationships. Is it based on reality or on absurd myths (all Black men are sex machines, all Pacific Rim men are quiet, subservient types)? Having lived in San Francisco, and being black and knowing quite a few Pacific Rim guys, it was interesting to compare notes. The Pacific Rim guys complained that they were stereotypes (i.e, submissive, quiet, non-emotional) to white guys, and as for us Black guys....well, no need to go into the whole "Mandingo" myth.
I would imagine the same stereotypes apply within inter-generational relationships. My late lover was 14 years old than me (and White), but me being me, I allowed NONE of the stereotypes to exist in our relationship. And now that I'm older - 60 -- I prefer guys my own age, although I find that younger guys are less hung up about some things that older guys can be a pain in the ass about: liking body odor, stinky feet, foot fetishes in general.
So, there can be a basis for crossing generations that is not destroyed by having more historical memories (the older one), but is enhanced by openness (more often, the younger one, who is less set in his ways).
It's an interesting subject in gay society, which is very beauty/age conscious, much less so for straight society (I mean, Cleopatra was, what, 15 or 16 when she met Caesar???). They didn't do too badly!